How to handle untimely loss of dear ones…

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Yes a very tough topic to talk about but some of us in our lives face sudden demise of our near ones due to an accident, tragedy or illness.

The key in overcoming any loss of a dear one is to not to try to overcome it. Let it take its own course. Do not take any sudden decisions or change your course of life. Be patient for few weeks let time take its course. After few weeks if you still feel the same and wish to take any life altering decision then discuss that with your near ones or seek guidance.

Now another typical human behaviour is to overcome this pain and agony alone. We try to be strong and think we can do this alone but real strength lies in seeking help of other who know the pain you are going thru. Like is happiness you pick up the phone and call your best friend and go out to celebrate. Is demise also you can call the same person and go out for a walk or coffee with him or her.

Eventually you must understand time is the biggest healer and slowly the loss you are feeling now will lead to an acceptance of the facts and filled with a love and cherished memories of person you just lost.

Another feeling that almost comes instantly in most cases is a feeling of hatred towards God almighty, towards a particular doctor or towards a group of people or a general hatred towards life…

Now that hatred could be justified if someone was drunk driving and accidentally killed your near and dear person. Or it could be not justified if the person was ailing from level 3 cancer and the hospital could save your loved ones. In both cases, hatred has risen, now when hatred rises it obviously doesnt see reason but only seeks justice or revenge.

If need be, taking a proper route for this justice is the right path. But still the hatred can still be there even if the person responsible for car accident is punished because the person you lost can be never replaced.

So instead of focusing all the energy on revenge or hatred focus that energy in doing something that negates the pain to others of what you suffered. For instance, in the case of drunk driving, join a cause that spread awareness about “dangers of drunk driving” or join a group of people who help drunk drivers overcome their habit of drinking. There are many avenues where your feeling of hatred can be channelised without leaving your daily work routines.

Now bringing a new life into your home also helps like a pet dog, cat etc. One gets involved in taking care of them and create an environment of new LIFE in your surroundings.

What goes never comes..we all know that..But we know how our dear ones would have liked us to live post them…living a life as our dear ones would have liked us to live helps overcoming the grief! We can go out for a coffee as you might have in past with your partner or family member..you can watch his or her favourite movie with friends..

Spending time with nature does wonders. If you live in the city try going for a short visit to nearest nature retreat and try to relax yourself. Dont go alone initially as you should always be accompanied with a good support mechanism.

Many people seek spirituality/religion in trying times. Now its important to distinguish between religion and spirituality. I can’t go much into detail as its a big topic on its own but in a nut shell, spirituality deals mostly with knowledge and looking within whereas religion is praying, chanting, visiting church and temples. I am not saying anything is bad or good. Just putting the facts. If your heart wishes to seek these two one must but be careful and vigilant in who or what institute you are joining. Be careful not to consume yourself fully into any particular cult or society promising you freedom! Freedom and all the answers lie within you, they can only show you the path!

These were just few thoughts about overcoming loss of a dear one. Although in the end nothing fills the gap or void that has been created in your life..be it this article, books, groups, blogs, friends, and family…its only HOPE that can fill this void..HOPE for a good and positive life of future..as your dear one would have wished for you to have..and acceptance towards this cycle of life…

Do write back with your thoughts and views..

-Aditya.Jain@iamaware.in

 

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