Very typical question people ask me while dwelling with self awareness questions. And the answer is simple – “Dont think of anger, jealousy, fear as something inside you. Treat it as a separate person like a your MOTHER-IN_-LAW thats main purpose is to throw you off you mental peace whenever she comes to visit you! (just an analogy..I know most you love them:)..)
Sometimes we keep blaming ourselves I am an angry person, I shouted at my colleague yesterday, OR I am scared of heights, or I am scared of a particular person/situation…and many more thoughts like this..
However the best way is to separate yourself from these thoughts.Think of them as an outsider that comes to trouble you every now and then. YOU are not ANGERY OR FEARFUL! YOU ARE YOU!
Now imagine your wife just tell you that her mother and your mother-in-law is just visiting from out of town and will stay with you for a long long time.. What do you do?
Can you run away from her..can tell her not to come…NO! Same is the case with anger, fear, jealousy ..you cant stop them!! You can only work around them! Once we accept this fact our work gets easier!
So now what to do you do avoid your mother-in-law during her stay..You make excuses of headache, make plans with friends, start coming back late from work, etc etc
So do the same thing when anger visits you or jealousy visit you..let them come..but make alternative plans! Such as:-
1. When you feel angry start chanting names of god you follow in your mind couple of times. Or drink few glasses of water. or walk away for 2 minutes and then address the situation..
2. If you are visited by jealousy then try to think of people who are not so blessed as you.. so you might feel JEALOUSY was point less in given situation..
3. If FEAR visits you then try calling your best friends who already know of your fear and try talking to him..slowly you will know that particular fear was your creation and the person you are talking to is not scared of the same thing probably..
I am sure you can be more creative and think of these small anecdotes that you use when any of the unwanted guests visit you.
In nutshell try not to blame yourself if your get angry or jealous or feel worried just let the feeling come but spend time working on these anecdotes. Slowly you will know when the feeling is entering and better able to control your actions.
Do write back with your feedback and comments.